For those of you who didn't understand my point yesterday here is a 'joke' from David Farrer:
Q: Why did the man have sex with a mannequin?Is it any surprise that almost 40% of people think a woman is in some way responsible for being raped if she doesn't say no clearly enough? Is it any surprise that people don't listen for 'yes'.
A: He just thought she was British :-)
So for those who don't get it, if you're ever unsure about what someone your having sex with wants, then ask, if they don't seem to be into it, then ask. Your vocal chords should continue to work no matter what you're doing with the rest of your body.
Our legal standard is consent, our social standard should be higher than that, it should be active participation. It should be completely unacceptable to have sex someone who is out of it, it should be shameful to have sex with someone who isn't into it, and jokes like the one Farrar made should make no sense (rather than just be not funny).
I find this very frustrating, because ultimately any feminist response to rape comes back to the fact that the culture that condones rape is created and maintained by men. That culture belittles what women have to say, so I really do believe a man would be more effective at refuting these misogynist ideas. But no one does, so I try.