Tuesday, June 27, 2006

I don't even know who's on the team

Trevor Loundon has new 'joke':

Heard about the new "Doggie Style" for married couples?

Hubby kneels and begs. Wife rolls over and plays dead.
Reminds me of a 'joke' David Farrar posted a few months back:
Q: Why did the man have sex with a mannequin?

A: He just thought she was British :-)
Aren't they just hilarious? Aren't you rolling on the floor splitting your sides with laughter? Isn't the idea that sex is something men do to women just that funny? Don't you find the idea of women having sex they don't want just the most amusing thing ever?

We're told that our bodies are disgusting; we're told to shave, pluck and starve if we're have any hope of anyone ever desiring us; we're told that our desirability is the most important quality we posessess; we're told that having sex makes us a 'slut'; we're told the things we must do to avoid rape; we're told we asked for it; we're told that contraception is our responsibility; we're told it doesn't matter if the pill kills our libido; we're told 1,500 different ways to make sure he enjoys himself; we're told to ignore our desires; and we're told what sex positions will stop us from looking fat.

Then we're laughed at for not wanting sex enough.

In his speech to Equality Now Joss Whedon said that the misogyny of our culture was sucking something from the soul of every man and woman on the planet. I certainly feel like that today. I'm glad the women involved in the fascinating discussion of sex at Bitch Phd are collectively demonstrating that women are people, even during sex, but unfortunately those discussions don't have the same impact as the 'jokes'.


  1. AMEN. Thank you for this post, Maia. The casual, everyday misogyny of this sort of joke gets on my nerves something chronic - and of course if you say anything about it, people accuse you of having no sense of humour. Well, people can say that if they like. It's just that I happen not to find misogyny funny...

  2. I don't understand why people can't see that this kind of stuff is OBJECTIVELY not funny. You don't have to be a feminist to see that, do you? So depressing :-(

    I was in quite a stupor at work today and ended up sitting in the staffroom through a rant by a colleague about welfare dependency and how the DPB is the worst thing that ever happened to women, with this total subtext of hating women. Then he made an incredibly racist statement and when I said I was leaving and stood up to go he verbally attacked me, incredibly nastily. I told him he was a fucking arsehole and left. I hate that even in my supposedly PC workplace these things happen. I hate that I even work with someone who holds these views, who would make exactly the kind of jokes you have posted. What is wrong with our society that these people are in it and don't understand how offensive and just plain WRONG they are? How could someone have got through as much education as these people have and have so little empathy for people who are not exactly like them?

  3. sorry, typo, the first sentence of my second para, above, is wrong, it should read:

    ...and how the DPB is the worst thing that ever happened to NZ...

    Still in that stupor.

  4. I don't disagree with many of your point here, so I thought I'd throw in something else. It is just a generalisation, I don't have an answer, and I am not attributing blame for it - it's just what is the case for many. It is the product of a culture simply lacking respect for people's personal sovereignty and right to be themselves:

    We're told that our bodies are not beautiful; we're told to be assertive, take charge and make loads of money, if we have any hope of attracting a woman, or play certain sports; we're told that our career success is the most important quality we possess; we're told that having lots of sex with lots of girls makes us a 'stud' and by not doing you’re ‘not a man’; we’re told we must have large penises and be athletic in bed to please women, otherwise they will laugh at us as they share their experiences with other women; we’re told to show feelings and be sensitive, but we’re also not trusted with children alone, as teachers, or even travelling on a plane because we're thought of as potential perverts.

  5. libertyscott - There can be no question (in my mind) that men are affected negatively by patriarchy, just as white people are no doubt affected in many ways by the systemic racism in our society.

    I don't think however (and I'm not saying you do neccessarily either), that it is in any way equatable with the oppression of women that this patriarchal society also enforces, and, of course, being oppressed does not negate the oppression we enact on others.

  6. steve - I haven't seen any man-bashing on here. Don't get confused because your spot on the heirarchy is being challenged.

  7. I always saw those jokes as being about the men being "too horny" and women's ability to use that to control men. Some men might resent how "men's hornyness" effects the supply and demand.

    But I guess you are welcome to oppose it on any grounds you like.

  8. And the second joke is about BRITISH people, not women. It's a racist joke, not a sexist one.

    Actually, I think you'll find it's both racist and sexist. Why take two jokes into the shower when you can get out both your prejudices in one go?

    But then I'm a british female, so I get to be the object of it either way.

  9. Mike, you are not the final arbiter of what is funny and what is not. Just because something is said in jest does not mean there are no consequences from it - that it is somehow unable to wound, or encourage negative views of the object of the joke. Just because I have a different sense of humour to you does not mean I do not have one at all.