Sunday, November 05, 2006

Get Better Work Stories

The New Zealand Police have launched a new campaign Get Better Work Stories. The thrust of this campaign is that your life is boring and a waste of time at the moment and you should rectify this by joining the police. The stories themselves are noble stories of fighting with young people, and having things thrown at you by protesters.

But they seem to have missed a few. Here are some of the 'real work stories' from the police this week:

Pepper Spray
I was called out to a party and there was a guy there we were supposed to arrest. He was coming towards me and I told him he was under arrest but he just kept walking. I thought 'no-one gets to walk past me' so I pepper sprayed him. I love this job, normal people don't get to use pepper spray when they want to be violent.

So I was called out to this party in South Auckland, and I thought to myself I haven't been able to beat up any brown people for a while, this seems like a good opportunity. So I arrested the owner of the house, handcuffed him, and beat the shit out of him in the back of the car on the way back to the police station. It was awesome, made me feel like a real man, I even got to knock him unconcious.

Four on One
I thought it was going to be a normal night - not doing anything particularly exciting. But then a mate brought someone in for driving while diqualified. We decided the only way to protect the public from people who commit this terrible time was to beat him up. Two of my friends did the actual beating up part and I got to use pepper spray - I love pepper spray.

Other uses for Handcuffs
The police force can give you great opportunities even if you're not working. I'd left my wife at home to look after the kids and was at the local, totally off my face and looking to score. I failed a couple of times, but then I pressured this woman to give me a lift home. I was obviously too drunk to drive and was all "I'm a police officer" - which worked. So I got her to the police station, hand-cuffed her and raped her, and then I did it a few more times. The best bit was my buddies covered it up for me for years.

These are just the stories that have made the news in hte last week or so. They're just the cases where police officers actions have been made public and are considered unaceptable to the police force. I've watched four police oficers jump on top of someone who wasn't resisting with one person kneeling on his head. I've seen plain-clothes police officers pull pepper spray on people without identifying themselves. I've had a police officer say to a group of women "If you get robbed attacked or raped, don't call us because we won't come." I've seen police use unreasonable force at least half the time I've seen them arrest someone. There were no serious consequences for any of the police officers I've mentioned.

I'm a political activist - when I deal with the police there are always other people around me, watching. We know the nuumbers and names of all the human rights lawyers in Wellington and all the media outlets. The police know this, and they treat us accordingly. What I've seen is nothing compared to how poor Pacific Island kids from Porirua are treated every day.


  1. Damn straight. And now some police are agitating to be given guns. Hands up who thinks this is a great idea?

  2. Sheesh, if you want a job with really interesting work stories, try unionism!

  3. As opposed to just not trusting our police force we should ensure we CAN trust our police force.

    I suggest bugging every single one of them and all of their cars - you could do it to the politicians also.

    Recorded evidence (available to lawyers superiors and so forth) of every cough or tinkle that they make thus zero change of them getting away with anything. And have VERY serious concequences (e.g. long jail terms in small concrete boxes) for any breach OR for having a missing second of evidence.

    Then give them all the power they need since you know they can't abuse it.

  4. Anonymous6:14 am

    Damn straight. And now some police are agitating to be given guns. Hands up who thinks this is a great idea?

    In the U.S., it's necessary because we've probably got more guns than people in this country, including assault weapons. But most of our officer-involved shootings don't involve people brandishing firearms. I think three out of 24 overall and two out of 11 of the fatal shootings did. Most of them involve people who are mentally ill, medically ill or under the influence of a controlled substance or alcohol. If there is a weapon involved, it's a knife or less often a motor vehicle.

    Some law enforcement agencies use less lethal options to deal with these situations. Despite the fact that my city's agency has more training in defensive tactics and in less lethal options than most agencies in the states, it's not clear that they are using them in these situations given the reality that much of what they do is not shared with the public. More and more agencies are creating and implementing mental health training and crisis team programs but again, my city's agency is a step behind.

    The last three shootings involved unarmed individuals. Two of those allegedly involve individuals who grabbed officers' taser or stun guns. Officers in most agencies involved in this situation have not resorted to lethal force even when stunned and in fact, usually arrest the individual involved.

  5. Anonymous6:38 am

    Recorded evidence (available to lawyers superiors and so forth) of every cough or tinkle that they make thus zero change of them getting away with anything.

    Here in the United States, more agencies are issuing digital audio recorders to their patrol officers and field supervisors to deploy in situations that they initiate(which are relatively few of their contacts). It's win-win for the good police officers but of course, there are those who do not want any part of it, which means you start collecting accounts of why the recorders weren't turned on, I imagine if you supervise these officers. I've read several doozies myself.

  6. radfem,
    indeed, which is why you would have to take a hard line with that too.

    It would be a major part of their job to ensure it was on and working at all times - a bit like ensuring their car had a WOF, they aren't drunk and they had their police badge on them.

  7. Anonymous8:25 am

    I wish they would!

    The problem is that attempts to expand the current policy have been met with resistance from the police officers' labor union. The police chief could order it but he won't because he's always mindful of this department's history of the labor union running chiefs out.

    The only reason they record at all is because they were required to under court-mandated reforms.

    Some officers in different agencies do record all the time, but it's voluntary.

  8. Anonymous10:04 am

    I think I'll ask some of my visitors for their work stories.

  9. Anonymous10:12 pm

    Wow you guys are really sad. There are so many gret cops out there allowing you to live youir life. You take every thing you have for granted