Wednesday, December 16, 2009

On People Being Brave

Today people I knew were incredibly brave. They refused to be silent about violence against women and named Ira Bailey (or Tim Bailey) as someone who had physically, emotionally and sexually abused women. They did this in a space which accepted him, and tolerated his abuse.

I'm writing this, because I know the pressure they will be under; I know the pressure to stay silent; I know how the words stop in your throat, even when you don't want them to. I want to praise the noise, the naming, and the trouble-making.

I want the people who named abuse to hear something besides the push-back.

In particular, I want the women Ira abused to hear something besides push-back. Those who spoke up were brave, but survivors of abuse have to be braver, theydon't get the choice of picking and choosing when it'll effect them. They should be celebrated for their strength. I wish I believed that's what'll happen in response to people naming Ira's abuse, but I know it won't. I want them to hear something that isn't silencing, I want to celebrate their noise.

God there's so much I could say, about the thousand of different ways of silencing someone. But it's late, and I just wanted to write a celebration of the amazing work people have done in fighting abuse.

NB I have enabled comment moderation.


  1. Applause for these women and for you for writing about it. It is not easy, and it continues to be hard even after it is done once. I hope they all receive the love and support they deserve.

  2. Many thanks to those brave women!

    So often we feel compelled to protect our men – to stand up to that pressure and protect our sisters is one of the hardest things.

  3. "..the pressure to stay silent..", I have seen women undergoing this pressure, torn apart, sadly by their false ideas, but above all of this is the bravery they have to face all of these trials. Kudos to them.